On my facebook fan page today I wrote 'Knowing how much is enough brings happiness. Exceeding you limits often brings anxiety. What are your limits?' and it got me thinking...  Knowing your limits is one thing but learning how to not exceed them is another.  So often I find that those suffering anxiety due to stretching themselves too thin find it very difficult to say 'No'. 

So how do we learn to say No?  Here are a few suggestions.

I'm of the opinion that life is too short and precious to live with stress caused by little annoyances around us.  Of course there are times in our lives when we have stressful situations which we have to cope with but the little stresses need to be dealt with before they build up and affect our lives.

The little stresses will be different for each one of us, but examples could be a dripping tap, an untidy house, some decorating not finished, the way someone treats us and so on.

Some stress is necessary in life to help us get the best from it.  Probably if all the A Level students didn't feel a bit of stress over their exams they wouldn't revise. By the way congratulations to everyone on their results.

So what do we do with our little stresses?

1. Make a list of all the silly little things that stress you out from time to time
2. Split the list into two, those you have no control over and those you do.
3. Take the list you have control over and decide what action you need to take to eliminate them from your life
4. From the other list decide if you are going to allow those things to stress you or could you deal with the situation differently.

To stop the little stresses adding up and becoming a major stress problem you need to spot them and either deal with them or find a way to switch off between them. Look at why you feel stressed; is there a better way to react? What action can you take to stop this annoyance? Can you make some time for you to relax, putting all the stresses to one side even if it is only for half an hour at first?

Which little stresses will you eliminate from your life today?

Stop being your worst critic

So many of us dismiss ideas as soon as they come into our heads, a sort of defence mechanism, but too often we can talk ourselves out of following our dreams.

Start dreaming

Make time to dream, to really think about what will make you happy.  We rarely stop and spend time on ourselves – clients frequently comment that aside from achieving their goal, life coaching has given them a rare opportunity to actually spend time thinking and talking about themselves.

Avoid discouragement

People close to us either support us or discourage us.  Discouragement is often a way of them trying to protect us from possible failure – however such discouragement puts seeds of doubt in your mind and will affect your ability to take action.  Sometimes it may be best to keep your dreams to yourself or only tell people that you can really trust.

Eliminate your hang-ups

Beliefs that we hold about ourselves can limit us from making steps forward.  These beliefs are formed from childhood, friends, relations and life experiences but are rarely based on fact.  For example ‘I am too old to change career’ – what evidence is there of that?  On the contrary, people of all ages start new careers.  Try writing down these beliefs on a piece of paper and then write down the concrete evidence to support it and the evidence that dismisses that belief.

Get a Life coach

A Life coach is qualified to facilitate you through all of the above and more and get you on the road to achieving your dream.   

1.     Plan one hour’s relaxation time for you into every day.  

2.     Get out into the fresh air for an hour a day.

3.     Delegate – at home or at work – get others to contribute and don’t be a martyr.

4.     Say ‘no’ – you don’t have to do everything you are asked...

5.     Find some ‘me time’ each day.

6.     Plan a weekend/day event each month – it’s great to look forward to and fun to do.

7.     Write a to-do list every night, and stick to it the following day - celebrate achievements.

8.     Get a cleaner or gardener if you can afford to for 2-3 hours a week – you deserve it!

9.     Internet shop for your groceries – saves yourself time, and money on impulse buys.

10. Turn off your mobile or screen your calls – don’t take work calls at home.

11. Let the answerphone take calls when you are having ‘me time’ or eating.

12. Don’t check work emails from home.

13. Leave work on time at least twice a week and do something special.

14. Have some fun with friends each week.

15. Surround yourself with positive people – it will rub off.  Equally negative people will bring you down.

16. Get a perspective – when you are frazzled, ask yourself ‘Will this matter next week/month?’ and ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’

17. Take up a new hobby or evening class.

18. Make one ‘healthy eating’ change to boost your energy levels – such as drinking more water, reducing caffeine, alcohol, sugary drinks or reliance on ready meals.

19. Seriously consider a career change or part time working - if your job is making you ill.  There are always alternatives and isn’t it better to have less money but be happy and healthy.  

20. Stop feeling quilty – it’s your life and you deserve a great one.

What is your special song and why? 

Using music to change your mood is not a new concept, but I thought it was one worth a revisit. 

Now anyone that really knows me, knows that I am not big into music, but sometimes there are songs that just stick in your mind;  the sort of songs that make you remember where you were, what you were doing and how you were feeling.

Some of my life coaching clients find it really helpful to use music to take them back to a certain time when they felt confident - just by playing the music their confidence comes flooding back and they feel ready to tackle their next challenge.

I thought I would share my ‘uplifting’ song with you; a song that just makes me smile, feel happy and in a positive mood.   Now, I am no groupie but when this song plays I can visualise them singing it on their circus tour in their various costumes; the music is upbeat and the lyrics motivating and happy.  So here it is. 

Shine – Take That

I thought I would start my blog by explaining why I became and Life & Career Coach.

I graduated from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development in 1997 and at the time I was working for Sainsbury’s as a Personnel and Training Manager covering the Kent stores.  Working for a major retailer in a senior position gave me invaluable experience, and even the long and unsociable hours were fine when I was young(er) and with few responsibilities. 

After 7 years of giving Sainsbury's my life and soul, I resigned and started to work for Business Link Kent as a Business Adviser; this gave me the opportunity to share my knowledge with small and medium sized businesses, and work a Monday to Friday job which was, more or less, 9 – 5 - absolute bliss for another 7 years.

Following on from meeting ‘the man of my dreams’ I got married and 4 years later I am a full time mum of 2 children.  Now for some people, the opportunity to be at home with the children would be all they had ever dreamed of, but for me there was something missing.

After a lot of soul searching I realised it was a combination of not using my brain cells (in the manner to which they had become accustomed) and not helping others to achieve their goals.  Throughout my career I had been in roles where I enabled others to grow, whether it be as an individual or as a business.  Now, from a totally selfish point of view, I get a real kick out of others success which I have played a part in and I guess if I am truthful that was the main factor missing in my life.

So I thought I need a career utilising my skills, that fits around my children and that helps other people grow.  I was then left with 2 options; counselling or coaching.  For me the decision then came down to did I want to spend my time helping people with emotional issues or helping people live their dreams.  No brainer.

And as they say – ‘The rest is history…..’